What you see above is my Weight Watchers weigh-in card. I've been a lifetime member of WW for about two years. It's a great program, and if you are looking for a way to lose weight, I highly recommend it.
I'll summarize for you, although the card above is quite telling. I joined WW about 1 year after Oliver was born, in 2009. I started at 146 and wanted to lose 15 lbs. By the end of the year I hit my target weight, 132 lbs. If you maintain that weight for 6 weeks in a row, you then become a lifetime member. You no longer have to pay to go to meetings unless you are over your goal weight by more than 2 lbs.
As you can see, I was within range for the first few months of 2010. Matt left at the end of April, beginning of May. I weighed 136 when he left.
In May 2010, the first month he was gone (and things were not amicable between us at the time) I lost 7 lbs in 3 weeks, 11 lbs in one month. I was in such shock, I literally did NOT eat.
My anxiety was so intense that it over-powered my body's hunger signals. I rarely felt hungry. I ate only because I knew I had to, but there were many many nights I would not eat at all. There were entire days I would go without food. Adrenaline powered my body. I began drinking a protein drink to get some calories in me; I forced it down. The times I felt a bit of hunger I ate but would quickly fill up after a few bites. A full course meal did not happen, not for a long, long time.
If you haven't experienced that kind of anxiety, let me explain: You know the feeling of butterflies in your stomach? That feeling of dread and fear before making a speech? The butterflies prior to a job interview? Having a confrontation? That feeling, the anxiety, is what I felt non-stop. Non-frickin-stop. My only relief from it was when I slept, and unfortunately, it's quite difficult to eat when you're sleeping.
In June of 2010, I actually felt confident enough to wear a bikini, first time since I was in my early 20's. I weighed 126. That is my new goal weight, altho at that weight, I still have a bit of flab. I'm hiding it nicely in this lovely photo of me. (Oh Lordie, I cannot believe I am posting a bikini photo of myself on RP!)
While you may say I look great in the pic above, I continued to drop steadily, another 10 lbs. I got down to 115 lbs with no end in sight. I went from a size 6 (at 130 lbs)
to a size 4
to a size 2
to a size 1
I actually bought one pair of jeans size 0. There were no more sizes to be had. I got a little worried. Most of my teenage and adult life I've been at 115. I'm small-boned. I have the most embarrassing tiny ankles. It's scary ridiculous. Altho I liked my flat tummy (but not my small "girls"), I knew something had to change.
Early fall, my doctor prescribed a medication for me. It stopped the anxiety and allowed me to eat. In addition, one of the side effects of that medication was weight gain. Just last month I stopped that medication (under doctor supervision). I am now at 144, and I cannot even fit into my size 6 clothes.
Here are the milestones:
This Saturday marked my return to WW after an 11-month lapse. The program has changed. I'm not too excited to make this lifestyle change, but I just cannot stand the way my clothes are (not) fitting. I cannot stand to see my body do things I've never seen it do before. I cannot imagine a summer without a slender body. I did, after all, buy 3 bikinis in 2010 (after Matt left of course) and I would really, really like to slip into those this summer. My plan is to do just that.
It's been only a couple days on the plan. I've been making healthier choices. I picked up lots of blueberries and bananas (the only fruit that helps me to avoid the candy bowl at work). I'll be eating bare bones for a while, you know, the boring stuff. Once I get my head wrapped around the new program, I'll start preparing great meals and sharing them with you.
It's my intention to share my weigh-ins with you so that I can "publicly" be accountable to shed some weight and begin my workout routine again. Please cheer me on!!!
Thanks again for checking in with me. I do read all your emails and / or comments. I so appreciate them!