Saturday, June 2, 2012

Saturday Morning Post

The week went quickly as it should when the work week starts on a Wednesday. I was met with a cheering fan as I walked into work on Wednesday morning — yes I do have adoring friends there who are truly happy to see me. I forget that I have friends at work since most of them I don't see outside the fun house*. But work is work and for the last two years or more my personal life has taken its toll on my job. Single-motherhood. Having my dreams smashed. Losing a business. Losing a best friend. Losing a dream. Doing it alone. Finding the money to pay the bills. None of it was easy.

Then I have to remember everyone has their trials (mine were worse)... and everyone has their heartbroken (mine was smashed) and I just have to knock it off.

I've never been one for acting like a grown up.

My emotions have always been immature. Sometimes negative. Hostile. Self-defeating.

But if you met me, you'd say I'm happy, mature, kind, generous, friendly, outgoing, with a strong personality and a propensity for getting things done. I'm adventurous, creative, and a natural born leader. I just jump in and do it. I'll take the lead, I'll find a way, I'll get the resources to make things happen.

Behind closed doors I'll fall to the bathroom floor and weep my tears. I'll scream at a ceramic bowl and throw it across the room. I'll mumble under my breath a few choice words.

Heh, most of that happens on rare occasions and usually at a particular time of the month.

No, I'm not really an explosively angry person.

Today I'm off to IKEA. Looking to scale down. The king-sized bed eats up the whole bedroom. I have a few takers on Craig's List who are interested in this beautiful bed. I'm also getting Oliver's play room designed. While I may only have 9 months left in this house, I'm going forward with the playroom plans. I trust that God, no seriously, God will put something in my path to take care of us. He always has.


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