On Monday nights I attend a "small group" with members of my church. We review the sermon and dig a little deeper into the Scripture that was presented on Sunday. I find it so stimulating because the Biblical principles are applied to our lives, not in a lofty way, but in a very real, life-application way.
This Monday the women met apart from the men. The group is a couples group. I'm the only odd-ball in the group. My spiritual mentor started the group as a couple's group. Since, at the time, I did not know anyone from my church, she wanted me to join her group. "Where's your husband?" people asked the first time I attended three winters ago. Sigh... Over time I was able to open up and be honest about where I was at, not only in my marriage but in my spiritual journey as well. The people have been a great comfort to me, and I'll always think well of them. Never once was I made to feel ashamed, silly, ignorant, etc. These people walk the talk, one of the first times in my life that I have seen a group who really did just that.
Last night I left the group somewhat drained. We were able to share more intimately without the men around. There are some big things going on in these women's lives, things I did not know about. These women are beautiful; most are a decade or two older than me. Their lives are established, their children grown, married. They are financially solvent. But the pain behind the scenes was difficult. Each woman has a road ahead of her, laden with work to do. Marriages to repair. Children who are rebellious. Fighting that is not fair.
I am struggling too right now. Money is so very tight, and that is something I am not used to. The party is over. I'm hunkering down and carefully managing funds in order to meet this month's obligations. But, friends, there is JOY in my life. Yes, my last post was on depression. It comes and goes, and yet, I never let its slithering hands encase my neck. I wont let hormones (as it turns out) or life's hurdles pull me down. Miraculously, as if the world had been praying for me, the depression lifted the very next day. A window opened. Fresh air and light entered the room.
I spent a beautiful weekend with my son. Oliver is a joy. A true angel. He's easy to parent. He's fun. Sweet. Loving. Kind. And he listens. I know he wants to please me. He had off of school on Friday and the fun never stopped all weekend long. Monday was a bit hard taking him to school. It's hard for both of us. The fun stops and the structure begins. Then he gets to see his father, whom he loves dearly. I know it's hard for Oliver tho. He'd much prefer that we all live together. He handles it tho, most days with grace, dignity and a maturity that is beyond his 6 years.
I have such joy in my life. I may not know if I get to keep this house (still...ugg!!!). I may not be able to hire a landscaper to fix my yard. I may not be able to buy my fancy coffee this month, dine in the corner cafe or replace my Este Lauder blush No. 5. And that's OK. Money problems are nothing compared to the fun and laughter we have. Bella keeps us on our toes. We were at the lake. We stepped in dog poop. We made a make shift fence. We watched movies. Baked cookies. Ate dinner together. Laughed. Giggled. Played. Had hot chocolate. The fun never stops around here. Our home is comfortable (not the biggest or fanciest in this town by any means), but we have it filled with such a sweet life.
I'm so grateful for all I have. Our hurdles have not affected the fun and good times we have. I'm so lucky! I'm so blessed!!