Her Story: Part 3 - Our First Meeting

9:30 am arrived, and there was a knock on the door.

The social worker was holding a car seat with the tiniest, little, beautiful baby. She was dressed almost all in pink. With mittens, a beanie, socks, and a jacket. Along with a blanket draped over her. Remember, this was June in Southern CA. Temperatures were already in the 100’s and I desperately wanted to take all those clothes off her.

She just handed her over to us, and we didn't know what to do. I asked our worker if I could hold her, and she laughed and said, “Of Course! She’s yours!!”

I held this tiny, sweet, precious girl while Juan went over the countless stacks of paperwork. As I pulled off the layers of clothing, I looked closely at her features. Before her, I had very limited experience with children who had Down syndrome. I was expecting the worst. I was expecting a child who maybe had deformities or who just looked odd or different. Honestly, I was terrified I wouldn't be able to see her beauty. Looking back now, I am so disappointed in myself for even thinking this way. Honestly, I was so naive and terrified of this child’s disability.

I was one hundred percent wrong!

This little, tiny baby girl was absolutely beautiful! She had the most gorgeous dark brown, almond-shaped eyes, a tiny little button nose, and a sweet little mouth. Truthfully, when I saw her, I saw Jaylen as a baby. I just kept looking at her, sound asleep in my arms.

We quickly learned that she was not the three-month-old they thought she was. The Monday we got the call, she had turned one month old. She was only five pounds six ounces at birth and was roughly six pounds then. Instantly, I called her Peanut. About an hour after the social workers arrived, they left. There we were, alone with a new baby.

Juan had to run to get new supplies. When we heard she was three months old, we bought a few outfits and diapers. Only to find out they were WAY too big! So, there I was, alone with this new little visitor.

I fed her and talked to her. She fell asleep on me, and I didn't want to let her go. I was scared and excited. Nervous about what we had gotten ourselves into. I sent a friend of mine a photo of her and me together. They were currently on vacation and wouldn't be back for a few weeks. She told me she hadn’t seen me that happy in a long time. I finally had my arms full with the baby we had been waiting so long for.

When Juan arrived back, he wanted to have that same quiet moment with her. When he held her in his arms, their bond was instantly sealed. She melted into him completely, and I knew she was going to be a Daddy's girl. They were meant to be together.

I wish I could say I instantly felt like her mama. Throughout that day, I almost felt like I was babysitting. Yes, I adored her, but I didn't have that connection that I did with the big kids as soon as I met them. What if I couldn't love her the same way I loved the other kiddos? That's such a common concern for anyone going through the adoption process. My fears terrified me and held me back… but Juan advised me to give myself time.

That first day went pretty smoothly. The big kids loved her instantly and couldn't stop holding her and loving her. They were so excited to meet their baby sister, whom they had been praying about. It was like she was always supposed to be theirs.

Joey surprised me the most. He was just so enamored by her and looked so at peace when she lay on his chest. The bond between those two has been the strongest ever since.

Around 3 am that night, I had just finished feeding her a bottle in our bed. Juan was lying next to me, rubbing her tiny back as she fell back to sleep on my chest. Instantly, I was in my dream! This was the dream I had been having for almost ten full months from that moment. My heart overflowed and I cried, holding her. God had been preparing me all along. He knew I was struggling with this process and gave me a vision of what was to come. His plan was playing out perfectly, and my heart was growing more and more with love for this tiny little person.

Our journey wasn’t over yet. The months of court appointments, home visits, and endless stacks of paperwork to fill out were just beginning.